Blessing in Disguise
by Zim'sMostLoyalServant
Summary: Desperate to finally be rid of Zim, the Tallest take drastic actions. Ones with consequences they could not have anticipated. Oneshot, birthday present for Invader Johnny.


**A/N: Welcome, folks. This is a little fic that Invader Johnny requested as a birthday present. I know it's pretty late, due to my having focused on getting Season 1 of** _ **New Adventures**_ **done in time for its anniversary, and then the usual writer's block, but it's still a lot closer to being on schedule than last year, so there's that.**

 **BTW, I hope everyone's aware that the teaser trailer for the** _ **Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus!**_ **movie is now out for viewing. It looks awesome, and everyone who hasn't seen it already should do so immediately.**

 **Don't have anything else to say, except read on!**

 **Disclaimer: In some alternate timeline, I own Invader Zim. But in this one, it still belongs to Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon. I only own the story.**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **Blessing in Disguise**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

The Irken Armada floated over the planet Storagia, one of the Irken Empire's main storage warehouse planets. This was a planet where the Irken government and military stored everything from blasters to missiles to war mechs to snack supplies (actually, since Tallest Red and Purple came to power, it was mostly snacks). It was a major depot, a center of military commerce and strength, a sign of just how powerful a position the Irkens held in the universe.

Or it _was_ , normally. Currently, most of the planet's surface was on fire.

The Tallest stood on the bridge of the _Massive_ , looking out the window down on the burning planet. Watching a few fresh explosions light up the atmosphere, they turned their attention to several nearby screens, which were displaying footage from the planet itself. A group of Battle Mechs could be seen walking around, firing randomly at everything in sight. Including each other, apparently, as one was shot in the back by two others, which then started pummeling each other as the first once twitched on the ground, smashing everything around it with the erratic spasms.

"…Will someone please explain to me why our mechs are destroying our own planet?" Red asked, so angry and frustrated that he'd moved past both emotions entirely and into tired exasperation. He was answered by a rather battered and slightly scorched-looking solider on one of the screens.

"My Tallest, we have no idea," he said, "As near as we can tell, they were remotely hacked, but beyond that we have no idea why any of this is happening. There is no logical reason anyone would hijack all these weapons just to do something this randomly chaotic."

"No logic, huh? Well, pretty sure that answers it — if this is who I think it is, logic has absolutely nothing to do with it," Red said, frowning deeply.

"You think Zim did this?" Purple asked, "He's not even here!"

"And when has that ever stopped him?" Red pointed out, "Remember that time he hijacked the _Massive_ just when we were being attacked by those rebels with the stupid name?"

"Oh yeah. I think I blocked that out. Thanks _so much_ for reminding me," Purple said, shuddering slightly. Red rolled his eyes at his co-ruler's reaction, but before he could say anything, a beeping emanated from a nearby console.

"Incoming transmission from Earth," the Communications officer manning that console announced.

"Speak of the devil," Red said dryly, before nodding at the officer, "Bring him up."

The officer nodded and typed a command into his console. A moment later, the viewscreen buzzed to life, bringing up the annoyingly familiar view of Zim in his base.

"My Tallest!" Zim greeted cheerfully, as usual totally oblivious to the angry looks his leaders were giving him.

"Zim," Red said, venomously, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but would you have anything to do with all these mechs on Storagia going berserk?"

"Oh, so my programming patch on that went through?" Zim asked in response, "I wasn't sure, that's why I wanted to call in and check."

"What 'programming patch'?" Red demanded.

"Well, I was trying to order some to aid in my glorious conquest of Earth," Zim explained, "But for some reason, the Storagia servers refused to accept my Invader clearance code. Then I realized they must be suffering from some wide-scale programming error, so I uploaded a patch to fix them. And when I didn't get a confirmation on the command, I called you to see if it was properly processed."

"You call _this_ fixing them?!" Purple demanded, gesturing to another screen, which was showing a mech that was apparently breakdancing, while still firing its weapons off at everything in sight.

"Instead of just sitting around collecting dust they're destroying stuff like they're supposed to," Zim replied, tone suggesting it should have been obvious, "Now when do I get mine? Gimme!"

"…Oh, you'll get what you deserve, Zim. Trust me on that," Red muttered, before quickly gesturing to the Communications officer to cut the transmission before Zim could say anything else. He then gave a sigh of aggravation and collapsed into his throne, mumbling angrily to himself.

"Um, my Tallest?" the Storagia officer on the screen hesitantly spoke up, "What should we do about the mechs?"

"Forget about them," Red snapped, "We'll just blow them all up from orbit, then we'll have to salvage what's worthwhile and rebuild from scratch."

"But, won't that kill all of us on the surf-" the officer started to protest, only to be cut off as Red waved for his transmission to be shut off as well. There was an uncomfortable silence on the bridge, broken only by the throbbing sound of weapons beginning to fire down at the planet below, before Purple finally broke it.

"So, are we going to do something about Zim?" he asked, "Cause you kinda implied we were going to. You know, with that creepy sorta-threat you ended that call with."

"I don't know, it just seemed like the right thing to say," Red replied, rubbing his forehead to ward off a headache, "Not that it matters. That delusional Defective probably completely missed the threat and only heard it as some kind of praise."

"Yeah, and anything we do try to get rid of him would probably just blow up in our faces, like every other time," Purple sighed, "Man, Zim has more lives than a nine-tailed Vortian cat. How many times has he almost died since he was first activated, huh? Would have been nice if someone had blown him up then before he could screw everything else up for the rest of us like he has."

Red stiffened at that, and he straightened up, a contemplative look crossing his face, before he started smirking evilly. Seeing this, Purple arched an antenna in confusion, even as small shudder ran down his spine.

"Uh, Red? You alright?" Purple asked, floating backwards a few feet in concern.

"Yes, I'm fine, Pur," he said with a chuckle, "In fact, I think I might have just had a brainstorm on how to deal with Zim for good!"

"Really?" Purple asked, blinking in surprise, "How?"

"Awhile ago, I was pretty bored, so I went through some of those mission reports Zim sends in that we usually ignore," Red started to say, only for Purple to gasp in shock.

"And your brain didn't melt? I thought Zim's insanity was contagious!"

"I didn't upload the reports into my PAK, stupid," Red replied with an eye roll, "Now shut up and listen. Anyway, I was scrolling through the reports, and found one that was mildly interesting. Apparently, this one time he tried to destroy that big-headed human who keeps getting in the way of his plans by using a Space-Time Object Replacement device."

"Isn't that one of those things that sends stuff back in time and replaces other stuff in the past?" Purple asked.

"Yes, just like the name says," Red said dryly, "Apparently Zim used it to cause a bunch of accidents to injure and weaken this human until… well, he was vague on the details there, but it somehow went wrong and ended up not working out the way he wanted."

"So, just like all his other plans, then," Purple commented, "Is there a point to this? Cause I just wanna go drown my sorrows in nacho cheese."

"My point is, if Zim could use one of those machines to try and eliminate his problem before it even became a problem, why can't we?" Red said, evil grin growing.

"Um, because it might backfire on us like it did on Zim?" Purple pointed out.

"We're smarter than Zim," Red snapped, frowning at his co-leader disagreeing with him, "And we have access to every scientist in the Empire, so we'd actually know what we're doing. Don't you get it — this is a chance to not only get rid of Zim once and for all, but erase all the damage that Defective lunatic has ever caused! Within him messing everything up, we'd probably be ruling the whole universe by now. Now, come on! I don't want to waste any more time on this!"

Without waiting for Purple to say anything else, Red got up and started floating out of the room. Not wanting to be left behind, Purple followed after him, even though he was having a bad feeling about this…

XXXXXXX

"I'm sorry, my Tallest, you want me to do what?" Senior Engineer Skrang asked, blinking in confusion. He and the Tallest were in the main Engineering Laboratory deep in the bowels of the _Massive_ , surrounded by computers and machinery of all kinds. Other engineers and scientists were dashing about, working on various projects and trying not to listen in on their leader's conversation with the Tallest.

"You heard me," Red said, "We want you to build a Space-Time Object Replacement device, so we can eliminate Zim from having ever existed."

"While I can appreciate the sentiment, my Tallest, I must protest you taking this course of action," Skrang said, "Time travel, especially for the purpose of deliberately altering events, is an entirely unpredictable thing. There's no idea of knowing what kind of consequences could come from changing the past."

"Zim'll be gone, I think that's worth the risk," Purple said. He still had some reservations about this, but the thought of finally being free of Zim was really growing on him.

"What he said," Red said, nodding at Purple, "Now get to work building it for us."

"But, I-" Skrang started to protest, only to be cut off.

"Or, we could throw you out the airlock for disobeying an order," Red said, eyes narrowed at the engineer, whose own eyes widened in panic.

"No! No, my Tallest, you don't need to do that. I'll do as you say," Skrang said, giving a hasty bow before rushing off and beginning to snap orders at his subordinates. As they started to scurry about to follow his commands, Red turned his attention back to Purple.

"Well, this is going to take them awhile," he said, " _Now_ we can go get snacks."

That cheered Purple up, and the pair floated off, leaving Skrang and his underlings to their work.

XXXXXXX

Some time later, the Tallest were back in the lab, the engineers assembled before them and standing in front of the large, circular object that was the Space-Time Object Replacement device. Skrang stood in the front of the group and bowed to the Tallest, gesturing to the STOR.

"The device is prepared and fully operational, my Tallest," Skrang said, "Though I must once again state for the record my concerns about this course of action-"

"Yeah, yeah, we heard you before," Purple said, "So when can we send a bomb back to blow up Zim as a smeet or whatever?"

"Er, about that, my Tallest," Skrang said, reluctantly, "We've been running calculations on the best way to make use of the STOR if you insist on doing so, and I don't think sending random objects back is the most efficient way of using it to eliminate Zim."

"Well, what do you propose we do with it? Send him mean letters?" Red snapped, scowling down at the engineer, "Or are you just trying to talk us out of what we've decided to do? That's rather disobedient."

"One-way trip out the airlock, coming up!" Purple said with a smirk, gesturing at some nearby guards, who stepped forward to loom ominously over Skrang, the color draining from the engineer's face.

"No, that's not it at all!" Skrang said, holding his arms up defensively. As Red waved for the guards to stand down, Skrang sighed in relief and continued, "What I mean, my Tallest, that sending objects through the STOR causes them to randomly replace other objects in the targeted space-time zone, making it impossible to guarantee the result you're aiming for. So, if you are absolutely certain that you wish to go with this course of action, I believe that I've come up with an alternative that should be more precise."

As he said this, Skrang waved over another engineer, who walked over carrying a tray. On the tray were two devices in the shape of black boxes, with no other discerning features other than the big red button in the center of each.

"What're these?" Purple asked, picking one up to examine it.

"We're calling them Temporal Relocating Beacons," Skrang explained, only to receive blinks of confusion in reply. Sighing, he continued, "These will serve as tethers, tying the user to their space-time zone of origin, so that once they've accomplished their mission in the past, they merely have to hit the button and be brought back to the present."

"Wait, you're actually going to send a _person_ back?" Red asked, an odd look in his eyes.

"I'd actually suggest sending two people back, just for the sake of redundancy ensuring success," Skrang said, "But yes, that is what I'm suggesting. Those sent back can strategically make the desired alterations, without worry of needless collateral damage, and then return with a push of a button. Now, we just need to find the right people to send back-"

"That won't be necessary. Purple and I will handle this personally," Red cut in, catching everyone by surprise.

"We will?" Purple asked, blinking in confusion.

"Yes we will," Red said, rubbing his hands together in anticipatory glee, "Just picture it, Pur — not just ordering Zim's erasure, but actually doing it personally! It's a dream come true."

"Can't you just go on your own and tell me about it when you get back?" Purple whined. Red rolled his eyes and grabbed the beacon out of Purple's hand, before slapping it into place on his belt, before grabbing his own off the tray and placing it on his own belt.

"My Tallest, I really don't think-" Skrang started to protest, only to once again be cut off.

"That's right, you don't think, you do what we tell you to do," Red snapped, "Now fire this thing up!"

Reluctantly, Skrang nodded and obeyed, heading over to a control panel. As he typed in commands, the STOR roared to life with a swirl of energy, resolving into the familiar sight of one of Irk's underground smeeteries.

"I've set the coordinates for the location of Zim's birth on Horrible Painful Overload Day, just before the actual hatching," Skrang said, "All you have to do is step through the portal. Though I once again stress the danger of this."

"And I once again am ignoring you," Red shot back, "Come on, Pur, let's go do some pest removal."

Hesitantly, Purple followed after Red, and together, they stepped through the portal. As they did, there was a sudden sensation like they were being stretched like a rubber band, and then they were shooting down a tunnel of kaleidoscopic light. Then, just as quickly as it had started it ended, and with a flash of light, the Tallest found themselves standing in a hallway. And a quick look at a nearby "You Are Here" sign confirmed they were outside the smeetery they wanted.

"Wow, that actually worked? I thought for sure we were about to be vaporized or something," Purple commented.

"Well we weren't. So come on, it's this way," Red said, gesturing towards a nearby door. The two floated through it, and were soon standing in the smeetery, the walls stacked floor to ceiling with pods containing developing smeets, while up above the Cold Unfeeling Robot Arms moved about in their tracks, ready to activate any smeets which had reached full maturity. As they watched, one pod turned green, and a pair of Arms lowered to remove it from the wall, before cracking it open and dropping the smeet inside to the floor. Another Arm started approaching it, with a PAK dangling from its metal grip, only to suddenly grind to a half, while all the lights in the room dimmed.

Purple blinked in confusion at that. Looking around, he saw Red standing by a panel on a nearby wall, having apparently entered something into it.

"How'd you do that?" Purple asked.

"I put the system into a diagnostic program," Red replied with a shrug, "It'll only buy us ten minutes, but that'll be more than enough time to do what we came here to do. I'll take care of Zim's body, you destroy his PAK."

That said, Red floated over to the lifeless smeet still laying on the floor, while Purple made his way to where the PAK was still being held by the Arm. As he grabbed ahold of it and started trying to pry it out of the Arm's vice-like grip, Red came to a stop, looming over the smeet. Checking quickly to make sure it actually was Zim (since it'd be a damn shame to go through all this trouble and get the wrong smeet), Red brought out his seldom-used PAK legs and charged his weapons. Taking a steadying breath, and a moment to cherish what was about to happen, he opened fire at full blast. There was a moment of bright light, and then he was staring down at a smeet-sized scorch mark on the floor.

For most people, the realization that they'd just killed a newborn would have been absolute horror and regret. For Red, realizing he'd just destroyed the greatest single source of pain and annoyance in his life was momentary shock, followed immediately by utter glee as it set in what had just transpired.

"Hahaha! We did it! I can't believe it! Pur, did you see…" Red exclaimed happily, but trailed off as he looked to his partner.

"Let go, you oversized can opener!" Purple yelled, tugging hard at the PAK which was still held tightly by the Arm, and not even budging it in the slightest. Seeing this completely mood-killing sight, Red face-palmed.

"Seriously?" he muttered, before floating over to help out. Grabbing ahold of the PAK himself, he said, "Pull back on three. One, two, three!"

With that final shout, both Tallest pulled on the PAK as hard as they could, finally tearing it free from the Arm's grip. In fact, it came loose so swiftly that it flew out of the Tallests' grips and through the air, eventually slamming into a nearby wall and shattering into pieces. As those pieces clattered to the floor, the Tallest stared at them for a moment, before turning to look at each other, grins growing on their faces.

"Is that it? Did we really do it?" Purple asked, a feeling of euphoria starting to develop in him.

"You bet your PAK we did!" Red said cheerfully, giving a whoop of joy and twirling around in joy, "He's gone, he's gone, he's gone and he's never coming back! Now we just have to head back, and there should be a paradise waiting for us!"

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Purple said, already picturing the banquet he'd have thrown for himself when they got back. He and Red hit the buttons on their beacons, activating them and once again found themselves zooming down that tunnel of light. With a flash, it ended… and the pair's joy immediately turned to confusion. Instead of being back in the engineering lab, or even the bridge of the _Massive_ , they were in a moderately small room, with a bed/PAK recharge station on either side, and also a couple of desks, one more neatly kept than its messier counterpart.

"Huh? What happened? Where are we?" Purple asked, scratching his head in confusion, and then blinking in surprise as he noticed something on his hand, "Holy Irk! Red, I've got thumbs!"

"What?" Red asked, turning to look at Purple. To his surprise, not only did Purple indeed have thumbs (which had of course been ceremoniously removed when they'd become Tallest), but he was wearing his old uniform from when they'd only been Elites. Looking down at himself, Red confirmed that his own thumbs had been restored, and he was also in his old Elite uniform. This was confusing for a moment, and then it jogged a memory.

"Wait a minute, I recognize this place," he said, looking around at the room again, "These are our quarters from back before we became Tallest."

"Oh yeah, I remember now," Purple said, also looking around, "But why are we here, like this, instead of where we started from?"

"These stupid beacons must have brought us up short," Red muttered, hitting the button on his several more times, only for nothing to happen. Grumbling to himself, he tossed it aside onto the bed he vaguely remembered as being his, and started pacing to collect his thoughts. Or tried to, anyway, as he was soon stumbling over nothing.

"You alright?" Purple asked, arching an antenna at the display.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Red replied, slightly flushed with embarrassment, "It's just been so long since I had to actually use my legs instead of just floating everywhere. Kinda rusty on that."

As Purple nodded in acknowledgement of that and started taking experimental steps with his own legs, Red steadied himself. Gaze drifting towards a nearby computer console, he carefully made his way over to it, bringing it online with a tap on the controls.

"Now what are you doing?" Purple asked, glancing over as he continued to test his legs.

"Trying to figure out when we are, so we can work out what to do next," Red said, before returning his focus to the console, "Computer, what is today's date?"

" _It is the 27th day of the month of Garnish, in the 86th year of Tallest Miyuki,_ " the computer's automated voice replied, leaving Red blinking in confusion.

"86th year? Miyuki was only Tallest for _36_ years before Zim…" Red started, only to trail off as realization hit him, causing him to face-palm, "Oh, of course."

"What? What is it?" Purple asked, utterly confused.

"Don't you get it? No Zim means no absorbing blob thing, which means Miyuki and Spork don't get eaten, which means we never become the Tallest!" Red exclaimed, Purple's eyes widening as he took that in.

"But, but, that means — we have to actually work now?!" he shouted in shock.

" _That's_ your reaction?" Red asked, rolling his eyes, "Gah. Well, this is annoying, but hey, at least Zim's gone, and we're still Elites, so it's not like we somehow turned ourselves into drones. Gotta look on the bright side."

"But I don't wanna go back to working!" Purple whined. Trying to tune him out, Red brought up the feed from the Irken News Network, trying to see what advancements he'd brought to the Empire by eliminating Zim.

" _Breaking news from the front lines,_ " the news announcer was saying as he appeared on the screen, immediately catching both former-Tallests' attention, " _Meekrob Coalition forces have captured Foodcourtia, forcing the Irken-Vortian Alliance into yet another retreat. Sources in the Armada who ask not to be named are calling this the most devastating defeat that the Alliance has suffered since hostilities resumed following the failed ceasefire and peace conference that began and ended on the same day back on the 12th of Fondue…_ "

"Wait, what?" Red sputtered, while Purple could only stare in further confusion, "War? Alliance? _Defeat?_ What the hell is going on?!"

Bringing up a connection to the historical archives, Red started scrolling through the records, trying to make sense of what he'd just heard. And he soon found what he was looking for — according to the records, several years prior to the current date, an Irken weapons platform which Second Tallest Spork had insisted on placing on the border region had malfunctioned and automatically launched several long-range attacks on Meekrob before it could be stopped, destroying several of their cities. The infuriated Meekrob had refused to accept Miyuki's personal apologies for this and declared war, quickly joined by several other species, for no other apparent reason than opportunism. The Irkens' only allies were their long-standing friends the Vortians, who without Miyuki's death were never betrayed and conquered.

"But why are we losing?" Purple asked, reading from over Red's shoulder, "I mean, we're awesome, and Vort's where all the best tech is from, right? I mean, that's why we steal all their stuff."

"Yeah, but from what I'm seeing here, we somehow haven't gotten to any of the good stuff yet," Red pointed out, scrolling down a separate screen, "No Megadoomers, only second generation Maim Bots and fourth generation Battle Mechs, and where are the more advanced models of our battleships? I mean, there's the _Massive_ , but other than that…"

"Wait, weren't we the ones who ordered the upgrades to those models?" Purple pointed out.

"Yeah, after Zim kept… ruining them…" Red trailed off, as he reached that horrible realization. Zim's messing around with various war machines and vessels, and the resulting destruction, had led to them redesigning all of them to try and make it harder for someone like that lunatic to go on rampages with them. As a side effect, they were heavily upgraded, becoming more dangerous and effective. Which, without Zim around, had apparently never happened.

"Aw, man, I don't believe this!" Purple said with a scowl, "Zim being gone was supposed to make things better. Instead, we're not Tallest anymore and there's a war going on that we're actually losing! I hate to say this, but I think we were actually better off when he was around!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Red snapped at him, "This is just a setback. The Empire will rebound from this somehow, just wait. And it'll be better off than ever without Zim ruining everything."

"That's assuming the Meekrob and all those others don't kill us all, first!" Purple snapped back, "This is all your fault. I told you that copying one of Zim's plans, one that totally backfired on him, would only end up badly for us. But did you listen? No, and now we're stuck in this horrible reality!"

The two glared at each other for a moment, and then Purple turned and started walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Red demanded.

"To find a lab to rebuild the space-time thingy and go back to undo this mess you made," Purple shot back over his shoulder.

"Yeah, and how do you plan on doing that? You don't have the tech skills to do it," Red said, slightly smug, "So go ahead and waste your time, while I start looking for the best way to take advantage of this-"

" _Attention all Elites,_ " a voice suddenly sounded over the intercom system, " _In light of the recent military defeat at Foodcourtia and collapse of the front lines, it had been decreed that all shore leaves are cancelled. All Elites currently on Irk are to prepare to immediately ship out to the fleet being assembled at Hobo 13 for a counterstrike, to commence no later than the 3rd of Frosting. That is all._ "

There was a moment of silence, and then Purple shot Red a smug look.

"Well, good luck with taking advantage of being sent to fight in a losing war," he said, "While I go find a way to go back to a world where I can just sit around all day eating twice my weight in snacks and ruling half the universe."

"Alright, hold on!" Red said, snatching his beacon off the bed and then quickly walking up to join Purple at the door, "I'll reluctantly admit that things haven't worked out the way I planned, but I still refuse to accept that we're better off with Zim running around. So, we will rebuild the STOR and go back, but not to undo everything; we'll just change things a little so that he's still gone but all of this never happens."

"Right, because we obviously know so much about what we're doing when it comes to changing history," Purple muttered. Red glared at him but chose to ignore the comment. Instead, the two slipped into the hallway, quickly making their way towards the nearest lab while not to look conspicuous to the other Elites who were starting to rush to and fro down the halls.

XXXXXXX

Some time later, the pair were in an empty lab they'd found and barricaded themselves into in order to ensure that no one would interrupt their work. Red had found schematics for a STOR in the lab's files, and was doing his best to build one on his own, with Purple helping as best he could given his lack of technical expertise.

"And there," Red said, as he finished welding the last component into the frame, "That should do it."

"I hope so," Purple said, "I've heard people walk by this door a bunch of times. I don't wanna have to explain to anyone why we're in here when we're not supposed to be. Man, I already really miss being in charge."

"Would you calm down and focus?" Red snapped, as he began typing commands into a console, the STOR flaring to life in response, "I've set the coordinates for just after we arrived in the smeetery but before we killed Zim. We just have to go back and stop ourselves from doing that until we come up with a better plan."

"Ergh, this is already giving me a headache," Purple muttered, as he and Red approached the STOR and jumped through. Another trip through the weird light tunnel later, and with a flash they found themselves back in the smeetery, standing in front of the versions of themselves who were still Tallest, who turned to look at them in surprise and confusion.

"What the hell?" Tallest Red asked from where he was looming over the smeet of Zim.

"Stop! Don't do it!" Elite Red said, running up to his counterpart, "Don't kill Zim! Not yet, anyway!"

"Why not?" Tallest Purple asked, still holding tightly onto Zim's PAK.

"Because if he dies, Miyuki and Spork don't, so we never become Tallest, and without him messing around with all our tech we never upgrade it to better stuff, so we're losing a war with the rest of the universe!" Elite Purple said quickly, arms waving about as he explained. The Tallest listened to this in shock, before Purple turned to Red with a scowl.

"See! I told you trying to copy one of Zim's stupid plans would backfire on us!" he said, letting go of the PAK to point accusingly at his co-ruler.

"That's what I said," Elite Purple said, nodding sagely.

"Shut up!" both Reds shouted simultaneously at their respective partners, before turning back to each other.

"There is no way that the Empire is better off with Zim in it," Tallest Red said.

"That's what I said, though it appears things are a little more complicated than that," Elite Red replied, "But I still think there's a way to eliminate his threat without screwing everything else up in the process. We just have to be more strategic about this."

The four tall Irkens were all silent for a moment as they contemplated this, and then Tallest Red's face suddenly lit up as inspiration struck.

"I know! We'll reprogram his PAK," he explained, "If him being alive is necessary for us to become Tallest, we let that happen, but we leave a sleeper program in his PAK to make it self-destruct as soon as Miyuki and Spork are dead. Then we take over like we're supposed to, and once we're back in our own time, we just implement all the upgrades that would have been created because of Zim on our own."

"That could work," Elite Red said, nodding along while the Purples looked a little lost, "We're going to need to buy some more time before the smeetery's systems come back online and put it on him, and reprogramming PAKs without a Control Brain is difficult, but we can do this. We just have to-"

There was suddenly another flash of light, and the two pairs of Irkens were surprised to find another set of Red and Purple standing in the chamber with them. These two were more ragged-looking, and had strange harnesses wrapped around their bodies and plugged into their PAKs.

"…So, that obviously didn't work either," Purple 1 said dryly.

"What happened to you two?" Purple 2 asked, taking in the sight of the new arrivals.

"The PAK self-destruct works fine," the newly arrived Red 3 said, gesturing to where Zim's PAK was still dangling from the Robot Arm, "Except Zim somehow causes that special programming to spread to other PAKs, creating a cyber plague which devastates the whole Empire."

"Yeah, without these harnesses, we'd have already blown up," Purple 3 added, tapping his harness.

"And the Control Brains couldn't do anything to stop this?" Red 2 asked.

"Remember when we tried putting Zim on trial and he drove them crazy?" Red 3 asked dryly. As everyone else winced in recollection, he added, "Yeah, it's like that only worse. The Empire's pretty much completely fallen apart in our timeline."

"Man, these changes just keep getting worse," Purple 1 muttered, turning to his partner, "Can we just give up already?"

"No!" Red 1 practically snarled, "I am sick and tired of having Zim around, and I know that there has to be a way to get rid of him without ruining everything else in the process. Now then, how about we-"

There was a flash of light.

"Oh, come on!" Red 1 exclaimed, before he and the others registered the new arrivals and stared in total confusion. The new Red was wearing scorched pieces of battle armor, had a metal prosthetic in place of his left arm, and had an eyepatch over his right eye, which had a scar running through the surrounding flesh. And even that looked normal compared to the new Purple, who was inside a containment tube filled with green liquid, cables and wires hooked up to various points across his body.

"What the…?" Purple 3 voiced what everyone was feeling.

"Don't ask," Purple 4 said, voice distorted slightly by the liquid and glass surrounding him.

"Needless to say, this plan didn't work out either," Red 4 said, leveling his one remaining eye squarely at the earliest version of himself present, "At this point, I'm willing to throw in the towel on this."

"Right, this has gone far enough," Red 2 said, "Like your version of Pur said, things are getting worse with each new timeline we make. It has to stop."

"Yeah, at this rate we're going to make a timeline where we're all enslaved by the Slaughtering Rat People or something," Purple 3 chimed in.

Red 1 looked around, seeing that all the Purples, and now even all of his counterparts, were clearly against him in this. Resignation settling in, he threw his arms up in aggravation.

"Fine! You all win! Zim gets to live, happy now?" he said, looking down in disgust at the smeet still lying next to his feet.

"Not happy, but I think we'll all settle for a world where we're ruling a triumphant Empire and only having to deal with Zim on occasion, as opposed to one where Zim's not around but everything's gone to hell," Red 4 said.

"I'm more than happy with that," Purple 2 said, everyone else nodding along and making sounds of agreement, begrudgingly in the case of Red 1. That settled, everyone grabbed their beacons and activated them, the four pairs of Irkens disappearing from the smeetery in flashes of light. There was silence in the chamber for a few more minutes, then its systems finished going through the diagnostic routine Red had put them through, everything come back online and allowing the Robot Arm to finish placing its PAK on Zim's body and activating him.

Despite the momentary delay, Zim was brought to life, and everything continued on as it was meant to.

XXXXXXX

Red and Purple were spat out of the STOR in another flash of light, stumbling to a stop in front of Skrang's engineering team.

"My Tallest, are you alright?" Skrang asked, a note of worry in his voice, "Did the device function as it was supposed to? I don't believe anything's changed, but-"

Red held up a hand, cutting the engineer off. He and Purple then exchanged looks, and after nodding at each other, simultaneously threw their beacons to the ground, smashing them.

"Uh, my Tallest?" Skrang asked, blinking in confusion.

"Destroy this machine, then purge all mention of it from the official records," Red responded curtly.

"Wha…?"

"You heard him! And you're all forbidden from every mentioning any of this ever again!" Purple said. And before anyone else could say anything, the Tallest quickly floated out of the room. Once away from prying eyes, Red groaned and rubbed at his forehead.

"Well, that was a total waste of time," he muttered.

"Heh, 'time'," Purple chuckled. As Red turned to give him a deadpan glare, he rolled his eyes, "Oh, come on! You totally walked into that one!"

Red continued to glare, but before he could say anything, a soldier suddenly walked up to them, carrying a datapad.

"My Tallest!" he greeted with a salute, "We have successfully finished destroying the rogue mechs on Storagia's surface."

"Well, there's some good news at least," Red said, "Anything else?"

"Yes, my Tallest," the soldier replied, handing over the datapad, "The techs have been going over the data package Zim used to hack the mechs and drive them berserk and have reverse-engineered what they believe is an effective block for such programs. They think that being incorporated into the next generation of mechs will make them virtually hack proof."

"Really?" Purple asked, grabbing the datapad and looking it over. He shot a look at Red, whose face twisted through several emotions, before settling once again on resignation.

"Yeah, great, you can go now," Red said, waving a hand dismissively. The soldier stared in confusion for a moment, but then he saluted and walked away, leaving the Tallest to stew over everything for a few moments, before Purple broke it.

"You know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but-" he started to say, only for Red to cut him off.

"But as much as a disaster as Zim is, he still inadvertently helps out the Empire on occasion?" Red asked. As Purple gave an awkward shrug, he sighed and said, "Irk dammit but I hate it when you're right. Fine, so where does that leave us, huh?"

"Wanna just ignore Zim when we can, make fun of him the rest of the time, and hope he eventually blows himself up?" Purple offered, earning a snort of tired amusement from Red.

"Yeah, I think that works," he chuckled, "Come on, let's go get something to eat, and forget this whole day ever happened."

With that the two Tallest floated off, content with the status quo of their kingdom.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **The End**

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 **A/N: And, done. As usual, I'm not wholly satisfied with the ending, but if I tried to make it perfect, I wouldn't get this thing published until November.**

 **BTW, if anyone picked up on it, yes that whole thing with the multiple versions of the Tallest meeting up is based on the** _ **Family Guy**_ **episode "Back to the Pilot".**

 **Johnny, I hope you liked this. Happy belated birthday, my friend.**

 **Please review!**


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